How to overcome shyness with strangers?
source: Learn English with Let's Talk 2013年7月15日
# There are 3 main facets or components to shyness:
1) Self-Obsession: It is also called the "me-syndrome" where you are overly aware of yourself in social situations. You obsess about everything you are or you're not.
2) Poor self image: Backed by bad or traumatic childhood experiences at home or school, shy people always suffer from a weak self image. They always tend to see themselves in a negative light. This exacerbates the problem of shyness.
3) Magnifying one's negatives: Everyone's got a good mix of positive and negative characteristics. But those who are shy pay too much attention to their negative traits or the things they do wrong. They refuse to look at or conveniently overlook the good qualities they may possess.
# Attacking or overcoming shyness:
1) State the problem: A well defined problem is a half solved one. Discern or find out which of these facets of shyness you battle with. You may be struggling with one or all three. Once you've identified the root cause of your shyness, you can now make an action plan in the right direction.
2) Find your strengths: Every individual has a certain amount of strengths in spite of some weaknesses. Find out what your strengths are-it could be a talent you possess, a behavioral characteristic or may be a physical attribute. An identifiable strength will boost your confidence and help you identify with yourself. This will help reduce shyness. Moreover, try to use your unique strength to your advantage. For example, if you're a good listener, you will soon find that you can consult or help people in a social setting with the simple act of listening.
3) Focus Outward: You need to break free from the "Me-syndrome" by putting the limelight off yourself and on the people or the surrounding around you. Become interested in learning about others and find out what they like. Weave your conversations around places, people and things that interest you. Your social interaction can highly improve when you do this. Moreover, you won't berate yourself because the focus is not on you anymore.
4) Affirmation: Words carry an incredible energy. Whatever we tell ourselves repeatedly, gets heard by our subconscious mind and we act accordingly. Now if you have been feeding your mind with negative thoughts, your actions will portray your thoughts through a negative self-image or a timid personality. Say things to yourself like you're good, kind and intelligent. Don't underestimate the power of words.
5) Don't leave an uncomfortable situation: This is probably the most aggressive ways of dealing with shyness. Placing yourself in an uncomfortable situation will remove your fear or anxiety which accompanies shyness. However implementing this step becomes a lot easier if we have taken care of the above 4 points. If you're shy of reading in front of a class., once you actually do just that, your fear and shyness will slowly evaporate into thing air. You will realize that if you try, nothing is so bad after all. Shyness is all a state of the mind.
6) Record your success: Keep a journal of how you faced a situation that was potentially awkward or uncomfortable and how you did the right thing to attack your "shyness". Your journal will soon run out of pages if you stick to your plan. Moreover, it will boost your confidence even more and make you a whole and balanced individual you were meant to be.
