How to fight or have an argument in a matured way?

source: Skillopedia - Skills for the real world!      2016年7月31日
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Keep it private
Ensure that you don’t fight in front of people who aren’t relevant to the topic that you are arguing about. When a couple fights in front of their children, it’s not a very good idea. If you have a minor disagreement with a work colleague, you don’t have to express your dissatisfaction in front of a new employee.

Be specific
Don’t indulge in vague complaints. Say exactly what you aren’t very happy about. If you have an issue with the tardiness of an employee, let him know about that in exact words. If you put your point across very specifically, you also give the other person a chance to improve their behavior and let them know what is bothering you.

Don’t generalize
Generalizing in an argument or a fight is using words like “never” and “always” when accusing someone of anything. Statements like “you never help me”, “you always do it wrong” show that you don’t trust the other person. In fact, these kind of statements are also very discouraging and don’t give them an opportunity to learn from their mistakes.

Be relevant
Always deal with the topic at hand. Don’t talk about past mistakes and make the argument more dramatic. That way you can deal with problems more effectively and also help the other person improve whatever wrong he/she is doing.

No personal attacks
Refrain from making personal comments to hurt the person you are arguing with. If you do, you may lose your relationship with your friend, spouse or work colleague forever.

Remain calm
Take a time out to remain calm even when you are fighting. If you do this, people will take you more seriously and people will understand your view better. To remain calm you can go for a walk, write in a journal or do whatever it takes to maintain a certain level of peace even i the midst of all the anger and bitterness.

Set a time limit
Your disagreement doesn’t have to get over in a day or a week. It may take time and that’s okay. Don’t make yourself feel bad about it. It does take time for two people to understand each other’s views or opinions.